The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Randomize
