Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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