The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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