Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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