Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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