I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
