i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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