His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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