Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
