My nipple is on Facebook.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
