Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
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