Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
