ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
