just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
