You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize