It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
