What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
