I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
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