she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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