i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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