if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
