What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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