I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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