He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You are a genius and a whore.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
