I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
