I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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