when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We had sex on a dog bed..
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize