i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
