I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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