btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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