Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
