I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
