I will die if light touches me.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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