you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
