i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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