It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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