This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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