oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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