Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There's always time for handjobs
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
