So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
