ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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