i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
