i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
