So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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