i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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