Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
