actually, I'm a sock model
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize