good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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