i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
