everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
