Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
