I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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