Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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