no, he came in my armpit
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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