the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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