I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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