haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
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