and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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