My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
