This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
