Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
