Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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