i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
