And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize