textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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