I'll bet she douches with gravy.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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