why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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