quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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