thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
