Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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