whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
