Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
