i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
