apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
