Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You're a waste of cheezeits
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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