Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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