I think i peed on brittanys purse
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
