walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
