Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
