In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
two words: eviction party
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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