I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
