Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
