drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize