so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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