We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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