It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
