if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
