Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
