Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
