I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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