Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
and you said cock pushups were impossible
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
