also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You're like the curious george of whores
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
