I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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