Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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