we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
