So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
