Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
