guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize