did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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